Many say that cancer is a lonely place and that during cancer you can be surrounded by so many people and yet still feel lost and alone; I've never really had a time where I felt 'alone' I've always far too supported to think of myself as being lonely, perhaps until now.
It's certainly not anyone's fault and not a cry for help, but post treatment life moving on can be a desolate place, most people, even those closest to you will assume you're over the worst and life can return back to normal; for them it might which is great, but for the main person involved it may not happen quite so soon.
The reason I am writing this is because with the more people I speak to in my situation, the more frequent this topic comes up. Post treatment, I have found I've changed, what motivates me and how I want to live my life has changed; most, if not all of this is for the best but sometimes I have this strange sense of detachment, my mind can be elsewhere; I know I must still trying to process what has happened. I cant help but feel that I'm not where I thought I'd be at this point, I assumed that I would be a lot more ready to 'move on' fit to take on new challenges and celebrate life as 'all clear'. As a result I put pressure on myself to be better than I'm ready to be.
In a search for a reason as to why I have been feeling this way and how I can overcome it, I came across a book called 'The Cancer Survivor's Companion' which that focuses on life after cancer; how to deal with anxiety and provides insight into the thinking process of others in the same situation as you. The aftermath of cancer is stated as the time an individual will feel the least supported, which is why this book written.
I must admit I haven't read the whole book, the most helpful part of the book so far has been within the first few chapters and it describes exactly how I have felt lately and I imagine how many others have too post cancer.
This is basically it, a feeling of being stranded with so much to head toward but not knowing exactly how to get there. I have posted this post because I want people in similar situations to know that it is ok to feel this way, it is normal however strange it may feel at the time. As soon as I read this I was able to relate and from that point I was able to stop putting pressure on myself to just 'get over' what has happened, take it in and take my time to feel better. Slowly I have been able to move forward, focus on what is important to me and gradually I am beginning to feel a bit more like my old self and able to move on.
I would encourage anyone who feels like this to try and do the same in your own time.